I know that moms are ALWAYS in transition - even when we don't realize it. But I'm at a crossroads in my "mom-hood"...my son is going of to college in 3 days! My only son...my only child! I have honestly been trying to let go, and really by the time they are seniors in high school - they are so busy, you have no choice but to let go. Now, he's only going to be 2 hours away and will probably come home some weekends other than holidays. But still...
As I think about it, if I'm honest, it's that I will no longer be in control. I know, I know, that control has been diminishing over the years, but, come on now, I still have a little bit - he's still living under my roof. But not 3 days from now. I won't be able to whisper good-bye to him as I head off to work. I won't be able to listen for him to come in late at night. I won't be able to bug him with a to-do list, because I won't know what he needs to do! Oh...I will miss that boy. He doesn't even realize how much.
In my devotions this morning, God led me to Numbers 11:16-23 where God tells Moses to gather 70 elders together and He will put His Spirit on them and enable them to help Moses lead. What really spoke to me was verse 23 where the LORD asks Moses, "Is the LORD's arm too short?" I felt God was asking me that - "Can my arm not reach to college?" "Will my Spirit not be on him there?" "Who's really in control here?" You, God...not me. You always have been...always will be.
So even though my stomach is still in knots; even though I will be fighting off tears the next few days...I know I can find comfort in the fact that God's arm is NOT too short. He has ALWAYS been in control and always will be. He will look after my boy. But I will be texting! :)
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Only God
Yes, it's been a long, long, long time since I've put up a new blog post. But today I feel the words coming out of me.
I had my annual physical today. YUCK - not my favorite thing to do. My doctor is 25 miles from me, and with gas prices being what they are, I've been wondering if I shouldn't just get a doctor closer to my home and work. But he's been with me through thick and thin, and I can't seem to do it just yet.
And I don't think I was supposed to do it this year. See in the midst of this routine physical, God reminded me how blessed I am. My doctor was reviewing my 3-inch thick file, updating info, and he wondered out loud how many laparoscopies he had performed on me. I have lost count as well - it was a long time ago. After his comment, I told him my son will graduate from high school this year. He looked up in disbelief, and said, "You are lucky." I told him, "I know it." But I should have said, "I am blessed."
See it took my husband and me 10 years to have a child. Back then, after all those surgeries, my doctor told me there comes a time where you realize you have to stop and consider other options. He would do one more laparoscopy, and one more was all we needed. Within 9 months, I was pregnant! When I called my doctor with the news, he got on the phone and said, "How did you do it? I mean I know how you did it, but what did you do?" Nothing...only God.
We could only have the one child - but that was enough. Now that miracle is getting ready to graduate high school, has had a faith awakening by the Holy Spirit and is planning his future. Unbelievable. Only God.
I had my annual physical today. YUCK - not my favorite thing to do. My doctor is 25 miles from me, and with gas prices being what they are, I've been wondering if I shouldn't just get a doctor closer to my home and work. But he's been with me through thick and thin, and I can't seem to do it just yet.
And I don't think I was supposed to do it this year. See in the midst of this routine physical, God reminded me how blessed I am. My doctor was reviewing my 3-inch thick file, updating info, and he wondered out loud how many laparoscopies he had performed on me. I have lost count as well - it was a long time ago. After his comment, I told him my son will graduate from high school this year. He looked up in disbelief, and said, "You are lucky." I told him, "I know it." But I should have said, "I am blessed."
See it took my husband and me 10 years to have a child. Back then, after all those surgeries, my doctor told me there comes a time where you realize you have to stop and consider other options. He would do one more laparoscopy, and one more was all we needed. Within 9 months, I was pregnant! When I called my doctor with the news, he got on the phone and said, "How did you do it? I mean I know how you did it, but what did you do?" Nothing...only God.
We could only have the one child - but that was enough. Now that miracle is getting ready to graduate high school, has had a faith awakening by the Holy Spirit and is planning his future. Unbelievable. Only God.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Re-Commitment
OK...so it's 2010. My theme for this year is re-commitment. As you can tell, (I'm probably talking to myself, because I don't think anyone reads this!) I have not posted is for-ever! This re-commitment thing has a long way to go and touches a lot of areas in my life.
At the same time I felt the Lord give me this theme for 2010, we began Priscilla Shirer's One in a Million. And may I say, it is SPEAKING to me. Along with that, God is so gracious to show me so many areas of my life that need to be recommitted to Him.
But y'all...it's so difficult. 2010 is only 11 days old and that old way of thinking is slipping back in. My mouth got ahead of my good sense today. My emotions about got the best of me today. The feeling of being overwhelmed almost overtook me today. At the same time, I feel like I am right on the edge of an epiphany from God. Will I be still, listen and allow the Holy Spirit to connect the dots? I pray I will.
As my church begins an initiative of reading through the Bible - today I began my reading of Matthew 1-3 in The Message Bible. What spoke to me was the last part of Matthew 3:2, "Change your life. God's kingdom is here." God is speaking to me of the changes I need to begin this year. I say begin because I know it will be a daily process that will only end when faith becomes sight.
So as the title of my blog confesses, here I am Be...ginning Again! Isn't that what it's about? Realizing where we are, where we need to go, and beginning the journey again - this time on the narrow path. I'm sure I'll step off - I already have. But God is good, and He will guide me back, if only I will daily recommit my way to Him!
At the same time I felt the Lord give me this theme for 2010, we began Priscilla Shirer's One in a Million. And may I say, it is SPEAKING to me. Along with that, God is so gracious to show me so many areas of my life that need to be recommitted to Him.
But y'all...it's so difficult. 2010 is only 11 days old and that old way of thinking is slipping back in. My mouth got ahead of my good sense today. My emotions about got the best of me today. The feeling of being overwhelmed almost overtook me today. At the same time, I feel like I am right on the edge of an epiphany from God. Will I be still, listen and allow the Holy Spirit to connect the dots? I pray I will.
As my church begins an initiative of reading through the Bible - today I began my reading of Matthew 1-3 in The Message Bible. What spoke to me was the last part of Matthew 3:2, "Change your life. God's kingdom is here." God is speaking to me of the changes I need to begin this year. I say begin because I know it will be a daily process that will only end when faith becomes sight.
So as the title of my blog confesses, here I am Be...ginning Again! Isn't that what it's about? Realizing where we are, where we need to go, and beginning the journey again - this time on the narrow path. I'm sure I'll step off - I already have. But God is good, and He will guide me back, if only I will daily recommit my way to Him!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Experience it for the very first time...again!
When you have teenagers you get to experience all kinds of things through their eyes for the very first time ---- again! I say again because some of these things we have been through in our teens, and to be totally honest, we have no interest in going back! They weren't fun then and they wouldn't be fun now!
Case in point...my son is going through a breakup with a girl he has dated for over a year. To be honest, it hasn't been a good relationship for about 6 months now. So many ups and downs! You remember, don't you? I sure do. Letting go for one of the parties is usually so difficult. Just when you think it's over and done, here it comes again. Having only one child - a boy - I don't always get to experience the "drama" of life that seems to come more often with girls...except in times like these.
I don't want to embarrass either one of these teens. To be honest my heart hurts for both of them. I remember those raw hurts. And in some ways it's hurting me again right now. This morning I remembered part of a Bible verse that says to give thanks in everything. Well, where do you find the thanks in this? But it didn't take long to find a "thanks." Thank you, Lord, that he's (they are) experiencing this now and not for the first time in a difficult marriage...at a time when they are in their safe, familiar environments with the love of parents and friends to surround them. Because the fact of life is that there are lots of hurts. When we can first experience these hurts in a safe place, maybe...just maybe, it helps us to toughen up gradually...to learn how to handle such raw emotions...to have time to heal...to have time to forgive. Maybe...
Case in point...my son is going through a breakup with a girl he has dated for over a year. To be honest, it hasn't been a good relationship for about 6 months now. So many ups and downs! You remember, don't you? I sure do. Letting go for one of the parties is usually so difficult. Just when you think it's over and done, here it comes again. Having only one child - a boy - I don't always get to experience the "drama" of life that seems to come more often with girls...except in times like these.
I don't want to embarrass either one of these teens. To be honest my heart hurts for both of them. I remember those raw hurts. And in some ways it's hurting me again right now. This morning I remembered part of a Bible verse that says to give thanks in everything. Well, where do you find the thanks in this? But it didn't take long to find a "thanks." Thank you, Lord, that he's (they are) experiencing this now and not for the first time in a difficult marriage...at a time when they are in their safe, familiar environments with the love of parents and friends to surround them. Because the fact of life is that there are lots of hurts. When we can first experience these hurts in a safe place, maybe...just maybe, it helps us to toughen up gradually...to learn how to handle such raw emotions...to have time to heal...to have time to forgive. Maybe...
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Where's the Excitement
I can't even believe they have kept this blog activated since I haven't posted in 2 months! Lately, I haven't felt the urge to post about the day-in and day-outness of my life! LOL
Lately I've been wondering - where's the excitement? Now don't get me wrong, we've had a GREAT summer going to the beach and K and I had a vacation just the two of us. (First time in 16 years!) It's been wonderful. But still - outside of my family - I'm wondering, personally, for me - where's the excitement?
I caught a glimmer of it the other day - in the beauty shop. (Can I get an 'Amen', ladies!) Time for my cut and color, and on this afternoon there were several school-aged children in there probably getting their "back-to-school" cuts. Boys getting their summer growth tamed, and girls...girls with long hair taking the plunge! It was so cute! In one chair, there was a little girl with sister and mom and dad along. Mom had a magazine in hand, and was showing the stylist what they wanted done. How much to cut, will it look good, how about the upkeep? Then in another chair, was a cute young lady with mom anxiously looking on as a new "do" takes shape. Both of those girls were absolutely adorable after the hair had fallen, and the new do had taken shape.
I thought about the difference between us - I was feeling old and ugly - they were feeling perky and cute. Their excitement was catching - it was the beginning of something new - new do, new school year, new possibilities. Don't we have that everyday - new sunrise, new day, new possibilities. I really did feel a little bit of the excitement return. Who knows what's ahead for each one of us? I'm planning to change my "can't" to a new "do!"
Lately I've been wondering - where's the excitement? Now don't get me wrong, we've had a GREAT summer going to the beach and K and I had a vacation just the two of us. (First time in 16 years!) It's been wonderful. But still - outside of my family - I'm wondering, personally, for me - where's the excitement?
I caught a glimmer of it the other day - in the beauty shop. (Can I get an 'Amen', ladies!) Time for my cut and color, and on this afternoon there were several school-aged children in there probably getting their "back-to-school" cuts. Boys getting their summer growth tamed, and girls...girls with long hair taking the plunge! It was so cute! In one chair, there was a little girl with sister and mom and dad along. Mom had a magazine in hand, and was showing the stylist what they wanted done. How much to cut, will it look good, how about the upkeep? Then in another chair, was a cute young lady with mom anxiously looking on as a new "do" takes shape. Both of those girls were absolutely adorable after the hair had fallen, and the new do had taken shape.
I thought about the difference between us - I was feeling old and ugly - they were feeling perky and cute. Their excitement was catching - it was the beginning of something new - new do, new school year, new possibilities. Don't we have that everyday - new sunrise, new day, new possibilities. I really did feel a little bit of the excitement return. Who knows what's ahead for each one of us? I'm planning to change my "can't" to a new "do!"
Monday, June 1, 2009
Ramblings
I must be in a slump. It's been almost a month since my last blog post. I do think about it occasionally, but never seem to feel like I have anything worth talking about! But thought I would try again today as we begin the month of June. So here are some ramblings from Susan.
On one hand, I can't believe how fast time is flying. On the other hand, I can't wait for school to finish this week. I am so longing for my child to have some down time. He has put in 9 months of HARD WORK. He's done well, but seems like studying is about all he has time for.
Maintaining relationships is DIFFICULT. Enough said.
Went to our Lutheran Church's state meeting this weekend. Came away from there excited, encouraged and inspired! I pray I/we don't lose the enthusiasm.
Concerned about loved-ones facing cancer diagnosis. Heart is breaking, yet again.
Excited about a new ministry I hope will open up. At the same time, need to tone down excitement in areas I have no authority in. Difficult to do. Lots of ideas in my mind lately. Need to get them on paper to see what is viable.
Feeling bad about mistakes at work. Where has my brain been lately? Who knows...
Feeling grateful for wonderful friends. Not too long ago, it felt like I didn't have time to devote to those friendships. Now...more time opening up, and I feel so blessed.
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE "date night" with my hubby.
So there - you have various states of my mind. Not pretty, huh!
On one hand, I can't believe how fast time is flying. On the other hand, I can't wait for school to finish this week. I am so longing for my child to have some down time. He has put in 9 months of HARD WORK. He's done well, but seems like studying is about all he has time for.
Maintaining relationships is DIFFICULT. Enough said.
Went to our Lutheran Church's state meeting this weekend. Came away from there excited, encouraged and inspired! I pray I/we don't lose the enthusiasm.
Concerned about loved-ones facing cancer diagnosis. Heart is breaking, yet again.
Excited about a new ministry I hope will open up. At the same time, need to tone down excitement in areas I have no authority in. Difficult to do. Lots of ideas in my mind lately. Need to get them on paper to see what is viable.
Feeling bad about mistakes at work. Where has my brain been lately? Who knows...
Feeling grateful for wonderful friends. Not too long ago, it felt like I didn't have time to devote to those friendships. Now...more time opening up, and I feel so blessed.
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE "date night" with my hubby.
So there - you have various states of my mind. Not pretty, huh!
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Weary
Do you ever wake up weary? I did today. It happens occasionally. I used to think it was hormonal...but most of my hormones waved bye-bye to me some time ago. So, don't know what my excuse is now. Went to bed at 10:30...not so late...and to sleep shortly after that. Maybe it's the rain that has been around all week. Yeah, that's it...I'm missing out on my daily dose of vitamin D!
Regardless of the reason, days like this I can hardly make a decision. I'm glad I had my clothes ready for this morning - I'd probably still be home trying to figure out what to wear. I'm even having a difficult time trying to decide whether I go get Mother's Day presents today or tomorrow. See...insufficient gray matter today! :)
One thing I didn't forget to do this morning was pray. Today is the National Day of Prayer. See who the Honorary Chair is this year. So no matter if you're weary, excited, bored or normal (whatever that is) take a moment today to pray...pray for our president, our nation, our leaders, our state, our families, our homes...everything. God hears our prayers...He answers our prayers...He wants our prayers.
"I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone - for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth." (1 Timothy 2:1-4)
Regardless of the reason, days like this I can hardly make a decision. I'm glad I had my clothes ready for this morning - I'd probably still be home trying to figure out what to wear. I'm even having a difficult time trying to decide whether I go get Mother's Day presents today or tomorrow. See...insufficient gray matter today! :)
One thing I didn't forget to do this morning was pray. Today is the National Day of Prayer. See who the Honorary Chair is this year. So no matter if you're weary, excited, bored or normal (whatever that is) take a moment today to pray...pray for our president, our nation, our leaders, our state, our families, our homes...everything. God hears our prayers...He answers our prayers...He wants our prayers.
"I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone - for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth." (1 Timothy 2:1-4)
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