OK, so we are in week two without child, and things are going pretty good. Day to day life is settling in. Yes, I am still cooking supper - even though I thought that might change! Just less often because we seem to have more left-overs and so less need to cook each night! We are looking for projects to keep us busy and our minds occupied. I started cleaning the "spare room" this weekend. But at the same time I got wrapped up in some movies. So, it doesn't look like I accomplished much! K started trimming shrubbery and doing some yard work.
The boy is settling in with classes, homework, studies, and juggling of college life. He and the girlfriend decided to take a break. It's difficult to keep up a relationship when you are in different places - physically and mentally. He is moving on to adulthood, and we are trying hard to let go and let that happen.
In the midst of all of this, I know that God is in control...here, there and everywhere. We will all survive and mature and hopefully, thrive, in this new environment. And when it's time to reunite, we will do so with so much love and excitement, our hearts will just about burst. Then, we'll settle into the rhythm again. Life...
Monday, August 29, 2011
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
The tears...they did flow!
OK...so this last week has been one of the toughest for us. Preparing for D to leave for college, and then the actual act of driving away was tough. I think even tougher was the next day - Sunday - first day he wasn't home with us. Church was so emotional. I wasn't sure we would make it through...two baptisms, one baby and one friend of D's affirming her baptism, then a video of a middle schooler - a boy, of course. It all just reminded us of how fast time flies. E.M.O.T.I.O.N.A.L!
The week before D left, I opened my Bible one morning to Numbers 11:16-23. It's the part where Moses is about to lose it! Leadership of the Israelites is about to get the best of him! God tells him to select 70 elders, and God would take some of the spirit that was on Moses and put it on the elders to help him lead. Moses is still struggling with the lastest issue - feeding the Israelites meat and is questioning God about how they are going to do this. God said to Moses, "Is the Lord's arm too short?" I felt right then and there in my spirit that God was asking me the same thing. "Is the Lord's arm too short? Am I not at college just like I am here? Won't I continue to look over D there just like I'm doing here?" That gave me comfort...no, God's arm is not too short. Now my stomach was still in knots - but I knew that God was not going to drop my son. That HE would be at college watching over him.
Back to this past Sunday, just as we wondered how long it would take us to get over this feeling of emptiness, God blessed us with a Skype visit with D. It was like he was right there in the kitchen with us. We saw how well he's doing (at least now before classes start - haha) and something inside both K and I just settled down. God's got this. No, it won't all be wonderful all the time. Yes, there will be struggles and disappointments. I'm sure there will be moments of crisis. But God's arm is not too short.
The week before D left, I opened my Bible one morning to Numbers 11:16-23. It's the part where Moses is about to lose it! Leadership of the Israelites is about to get the best of him! God tells him to select 70 elders, and God would take some of the spirit that was on Moses and put it on the elders to help him lead. Moses is still struggling with the lastest issue - feeding the Israelites meat and is questioning God about how they are going to do this. God said to Moses, "Is the Lord's arm too short?" I felt right then and there in my spirit that God was asking me the same thing. "Is the Lord's arm too short? Am I not at college just like I am here? Won't I continue to look over D there just like I'm doing here?" That gave me comfort...no, God's arm is not too short. Now my stomach was still in knots - but I knew that God was not going to drop my son. That HE would be at college watching over him.
Back to this past Sunday, just as we wondered how long it would take us to get over this feeling of emptiness, God blessed us with a Skype visit with D. It was like he was right there in the kitchen with us. We saw how well he's doing (at least now before classes start - haha) and something inside both K and I just settled down. God's got this. No, it won't all be wonderful all the time. Yes, there will be struggles and disappointments. I'm sure there will be moments of crisis. But God's arm is not too short.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Working at it!
If you read Priscilla Shirer's Blog then you know that she's talking about the Revolution Resolution Project. Last Friday she focused on Resolution #10: I will be faithful to my husband and honor him in my conduct and conversation, in order to bring glory to the name of the Lord. I will aspire to be a suitable partner for him to help him reach his God-given potential. She asked us to honor our husbands by not challenging them for anything they said for 24 hours. Needless to say, this was a tough challenge. So much so, that she extended the deadline because there were so few "takers."
I'm not only trying to do this with my husband, but with my 18-year-old, college-bound, son. He needs to learn independence...I need to learn to let go. One good way to practice this is to watch what I say - especially in trying to tell him what to do and how to do it. I know in my heart I'm just trying to help him be prepared. But, unfortunately, we learn more from our mistakes than our successes. So...I need to let him do things his way.
Ladies, why is this so difficult for us. To let the men in our life lead? In fact, I have trouble with this in EVERY ASPECT of my life. I think I have good ideas, and everyone needs to hear them - at work, at church, at home! I guess it all started in the Garden of Eden with Eve giving Adam some dietary advice, and we've been going with it ever since! :)
You know what I've found since I started this challenge? That when I am successful at watching what I say, things roll smoother. Life really does move on - without my advice...and pretty well, I might add. I'm not saying we shouldn't ever say anything, I'm just saying maybe we can learn the right times to speak and the right time to stay quiet...pick our battles...don't be so quick to get on our soapbox...let our children make some mistakes and learn and grow...let go when the time is right. I'm afraid it will always be a challenge for me...but one I want to take on!
I'm not only trying to do this with my husband, but with my 18-year-old, college-bound, son. He needs to learn independence...I need to learn to let go. One good way to practice this is to watch what I say - especially in trying to tell him what to do and how to do it. I know in my heart I'm just trying to help him be prepared. But, unfortunately, we learn more from our mistakes than our successes. So...I need to let him do things his way.
Ladies, why is this so difficult for us. To let the men in our life lead? In fact, I have trouble with this in EVERY ASPECT of my life. I think I have good ideas, and everyone needs to hear them - at work, at church, at home! I guess it all started in the Garden of Eden with Eve giving Adam some dietary advice, and we've been going with it ever since! :)
You know what I've found since I started this challenge? That when I am successful at watching what I say, things roll smoother. Life really does move on - without my advice...and pretty well, I might add. I'm not saying we shouldn't ever say anything, I'm just saying maybe we can learn the right times to speak and the right time to stay quiet...pick our battles...don't be so quick to get on our soapbox...let our children make some mistakes and learn and grow...let go when the time is right. I'm afraid it will always be a challenge for me...but one I want to take on!
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Transitions
I know that moms are ALWAYS in transition - even when we don't realize it. But I'm at a crossroads in my "mom-hood"...my son is going of to college in 3 days! My only son...my only child! I have honestly been trying to let go, and really by the time they are seniors in high school - they are so busy, you have no choice but to let go. Now, he's only going to be 2 hours away and will probably come home some weekends other than holidays. But still...
As I think about it, if I'm honest, it's that I will no longer be in control. I know, I know, that control has been diminishing over the years, but, come on now, I still have a little bit - he's still living under my roof. But not 3 days from now. I won't be able to whisper good-bye to him as I head off to work. I won't be able to listen for him to come in late at night. I won't be able to bug him with a to-do list, because I won't know what he needs to do! Oh...I will miss that boy. He doesn't even realize how much.
In my devotions this morning, God led me to Numbers 11:16-23 where God tells Moses to gather 70 elders together and He will put His Spirit on them and enable them to help Moses lead. What really spoke to me was verse 23 where the LORD asks Moses, "Is the LORD's arm too short?" I felt God was asking me that - "Can my arm not reach to college?" "Will my Spirit not be on him there?" "Who's really in control here?" You, God...not me. You always have been...always will be.
So even though my stomach is still in knots; even though I will be fighting off tears the next few days...I know I can find comfort in the fact that God's arm is NOT too short. He has ALWAYS been in control and always will be. He will look after my boy. But I will be texting! :)
As I think about it, if I'm honest, it's that I will no longer be in control. I know, I know, that control has been diminishing over the years, but, come on now, I still have a little bit - he's still living under my roof. But not 3 days from now. I won't be able to whisper good-bye to him as I head off to work. I won't be able to listen for him to come in late at night. I won't be able to bug him with a to-do list, because I won't know what he needs to do! Oh...I will miss that boy. He doesn't even realize how much.
In my devotions this morning, God led me to Numbers 11:16-23 where God tells Moses to gather 70 elders together and He will put His Spirit on them and enable them to help Moses lead. What really spoke to me was verse 23 where the LORD asks Moses, "Is the LORD's arm too short?" I felt God was asking me that - "Can my arm not reach to college?" "Will my Spirit not be on him there?" "Who's really in control here?" You, God...not me. You always have been...always will be.
So even though my stomach is still in knots; even though I will be fighting off tears the next few days...I know I can find comfort in the fact that God's arm is NOT too short. He has ALWAYS been in control and always will be. He will look after my boy. But I will be texting! :)
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Only God
Yes, it's been a long, long, long time since I've put up a new blog post. But today I feel the words coming out of me.
I had my annual physical today. YUCK - not my favorite thing to do. My doctor is 25 miles from me, and with gas prices being what they are, I've been wondering if I shouldn't just get a doctor closer to my home and work. But he's been with me through thick and thin, and I can't seem to do it just yet.
And I don't think I was supposed to do it this year. See in the midst of this routine physical, God reminded me how blessed I am. My doctor was reviewing my 3-inch thick file, updating info, and he wondered out loud how many laparoscopies he had performed on me. I have lost count as well - it was a long time ago. After his comment, I told him my son will graduate from high school this year. He looked up in disbelief, and said, "You are lucky." I told him, "I know it." But I should have said, "I am blessed."
See it took my husband and me 10 years to have a child. Back then, after all those surgeries, my doctor told me there comes a time where you realize you have to stop and consider other options. He would do one more laparoscopy, and one more was all we needed. Within 9 months, I was pregnant! When I called my doctor with the news, he got on the phone and said, "How did you do it? I mean I know how you did it, but what did you do?" Nothing...only God.
We could only have the one child - but that was enough. Now that miracle is getting ready to graduate high school, has had a faith awakening by the Holy Spirit and is planning his future. Unbelievable. Only God.
I had my annual physical today. YUCK - not my favorite thing to do. My doctor is 25 miles from me, and with gas prices being what they are, I've been wondering if I shouldn't just get a doctor closer to my home and work. But he's been with me through thick and thin, and I can't seem to do it just yet.
And I don't think I was supposed to do it this year. See in the midst of this routine physical, God reminded me how blessed I am. My doctor was reviewing my 3-inch thick file, updating info, and he wondered out loud how many laparoscopies he had performed on me. I have lost count as well - it was a long time ago. After his comment, I told him my son will graduate from high school this year. He looked up in disbelief, and said, "You are lucky." I told him, "I know it." But I should have said, "I am blessed."
See it took my husband and me 10 years to have a child. Back then, after all those surgeries, my doctor told me there comes a time where you realize you have to stop and consider other options. He would do one more laparoscopy, and one more was all we needed. Within 9 months, I was pregnant! When I called my doctor with the news, he got on the phone and said, "How did you do it? I mean I know how you did it, but what did you do?" Nothing...only God.
We could only have the one child - but that was enough. Now that miracle is getting ready to graduate high school, has had a faith awakening by the Holy Spirit and is planning his future. Unbelievable. Only God.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Re-Commitment
OK...so it's 2010. My theme for this year is re-commitment. As you can tell, (I'm probably talking to myself, because I don't think anyone reads this!) I have not posted is for-ever! This re-commitment thing has a long way to go and touches a lot of areas in my life.
At the same time I felt the Lord give me this theme for 2010, we began Priscilla Shirer's One in a Million. And may I say, it is SPEAKING to me. Along with that, God is so gracious to show me so many areas of my life that need to be recommitted to Him.
But y'all...it's so difficult. 2010 is only 11 days old and that old way of thinking is slipping back in. My mouth got ahead of my good sense today. My emotions about got the best of me today. The feeling of being overwhelmed almost overtook me today. At the same time, I feel like I am right on the edge of an epiphany from God. Will I be still, listen and allow the Holy Spirit to connect the dots? I pray I will.
As my church begins an initiative of reading through the Bible - today I began my reading of Matthew 1-3 in The Message Bible. What spoke to me was the last part of Matthew 3:2, "Change your life. God's kingdom is here." God is speaking to me of the changes I need to begin this year. I say begin because I know it will be a daily process that will only end when faith becomes sight.
So as the title of my blog confesses, here I am Be...ginning Again! Isn't that what it's about? Realizing where we are, where we need to go, and beginning the journey again - this time on the narrow path. I'm sure I'll step off - I already have. But God is good, and He will guide me back, if only I will daily recommit my way to Him!
At the same time I felt the Lord give me this theme for 2010, we began Priscilla Shirer's One in a Million. And may I say, it is SPEAKING to me. Along with that, God is so gracious to show me so many areas of my life that need to be recommitted to Him.
But y'all...it's so difficult. 2010 is only 11 days old and that old way of thinking is slipping back in. My mouth got ahead of my good sense today. My emotions about got the best of me today. The feeling of being overwhelmed almost overtook me today. At the same time, I feel like I am right on the edge of an epiphany from God. Will I be still, listen and allow the Holy Spirit to connect the dots? I pray I will.
As my church begins an initiative of reading through the Bible - today I began my reading of Matthew 1-3 in The Message Bible. What spoke to me was the last part of Matthew 3:2, "Change your life. God's kingdom is here." God is speaking to me of the changes I need to begin this year. I say begin because I know it will be a daily process that will only end when faith becomes sight.
So as the title of my blog confesses, here I am Be...ginning Again! Isn't that what it's about? Realizing where we are, where we need to go, and beginning the journey again - this time on the narrow path. I'm sure I'll step off - I already have. But God is good, and He will guide me back, if only I will daily recommit my way to Him!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Experience it for the very first time...again!
When you have teenagers you get to experience all kinds of things through their eyes for the very first time ---- again! I say again because some of these things we have been through in our teens, and to be totally honest, we have no interest in going back! They weren't fun then and they wouldn't be fun now!
Case in point...my son is going through a breakup with a girl he has dated for over a year. To be honest, it hasn't been a good relationship for about 6 months now. So many ups and downs! You remember, don't you? I sure do. Letting go for one of the parties is usually so difficult. Just when you think it's over and done, here it comes again. Having only one child - a boy - I don't always get to experience the "drama" of life that seems to come more often with girls...except in times like these.
I don't want to embarrass either one of these teens. To be honest my heart hurts for both of them. I remember those raw hurts. And in some ways it's hurting me again right now. This morning I remembered part of a Bible verse that says to give thanks in everything. Well, where do you find the thanks in this? But it didn't take long to find a "thanks." Thank you, Lord, that he's (they are) experiencing this now and not for the first time in a difficult marriage...at a time when they are in their safe, familiar environments with the love of parents and friends to surround them. Because the fact of life is that there are lots of hurts. When we can first experience these hurts in a safe place, maybe...just maybe, it helps us to toughen up gradually...to learn how to handle such raw emotions...to have time to heal...to have time to forgive. Maybe...
Case in point...my son is going through a breakup with a girl he has dated for over a year. To be honest, it hasn't been a good relationship for about 6 months now. So many ups and downs! You remember, don't you? I sure do. Letting go for one of the parties is usually so difficult. Just when you think it's over and done, here it comes again. Having only one child - a boy - I don't always get to experience the "drama" of life that seems to come more often with girls...except in times like these.
I don't want to embarrass either one of these teens. To be honest my heart hurts for both of them. I remember those raw hurts. And in some ways it's hurting me again right now. This morning I remembered part of a Bible verse that says to give thanks in everything. Well, where do you find the thanks in this? But it didn't take long to find a "thanks." Thank you, Lord, that he's (they are) experiencing this now and not for the first time in a difficult marriage...at a time when they are in their safe, familiar environments with the love of parents and friends to surround them. Because the fact of life is that there are lots of hurts. When we can first experience these hurts in a safe place, maybe...just maybe, it helps us to toughen up gradually...to learn how to handle such raw emotions...to have time to heal...to have time to forgive. Maybe...
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