Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Life Transitions

I am middle age...well, that's probably being generous - I am in my mid-50's. I married in my mid 20's - just celebrated my 30th anniversary - YAYAYAY!  Took us 10 years to have a child - who has now completed his second year of college. Life has been in transition the last few years. I guess it is ALWAYS in transition, but when your child grows up and out, it seems more life-altering.

I guess that's why I need a little "therapy." Some days, I'm OK with the empty nest of college, and the adult decisions my child is making, and other times, I'm not. I'm also at a place where I'm wondering all over again...what do I want to do with my life? I've been in the same job for 14 years, and to be honest, I'm bored. My responsibilities have changed over the years - I don't have as many now. Some days that's nice. But I'm a take charge kind of person, and truth be told, I don't feel the passion and doubt my usefulness.

Also in this mix is the fact that my husband and I are dreaming of retirement. Of mornings where we can sleep in, take day trips, work less, volunteer more. That MAY become a reality in the next 5 years. So can I just hang in there? I don't know...

Part of reason to revive this blog is to give me an outlet to voice my questions and  question my choices. Not really expecting anyone to read it. Don't know that I will find answers, but sometimes it helps just to get those feelings out. I am trying to listen for God's voice in the midst of these questions, doubts, decisions. And maybe avoid the high price of therapy and drugs!

Monday, May 13, 2013

Here we go again!

So, will the third time really be a charm with this blog? IDK... But right now, I'm hoping it will be some cheap therapy! My co-workers think what I really need are some "happy pills." I probably just need a vacation!

Most areas of my life are running along just fact, way above average. But I have this one place - isn't there always one - a place where the passion seems to be seeping out daily. I keep asking God if it's time to move. But what I seem to be hearing - especially through sermons - is that there is growth in the perseverance. Not what you want to hear when at times you allow yourself to feel miserable. But God works miracles in the desert...He brings dry bones to life...He brings light where there is darkness.

This weekend during my walks, I listened to a couple great sermons by Pastor Steven Furtick, part of Elevation Church's In-fin-8 series. The first one was on the obedience of Elijah and the second was on the disobedience of Jonah. Right now I relate more to Jonah. One thing Pastor Steven said (I'm paraphrasing) is that sometimes our ministry comes out of our misery. Like Jonah, we may not want to do what God is telling us, but that may be the very thing where He is calling us to obedience.

Instead of making New Year's Resolutions, the last couple years I have been attempting to hear certain themes God has for my life. Last year was "Awakening."  This year I have felt like my theme is "Surrender." And through this difficult place, I seem to hear God asking me to surrender. It's easy to surrender when it's something we want...the difficult part is surrendering when what we really want to do is give up, leave, move on.

So, therein lies my need for therapy right now. Maybe this blog will help me sort things out: journal what I feel God is speaking to me and give me an outlet to voice my emotions. Is blogging as good as therapy? I don't know...but it sure is cheaper!